What am I talking about? Fear, guns,poisons,hate? Nope. Although any of those will do the trick but for me the real killers in life are disappointment and indifference.
People have no doubt hated me at some point and I have known fear but neither of these demotivate me.
And I have a horrible feeling (pun intended) that disappointment and indifference can take a longer lasting toll.
Let me explain. I trotted off to my nearest English library in the south of France where I live to see how my book ‘was getting on’.
How many people had taken it home? Did it sit on a terrace overlooking the sea? Did it come perilously close to the grill whilst being propped up in a kitchen? Or get damp splodges from a bath-reader? More to the point…How many homes had it visited?
The librarian on duty today-there is a roster of volunteers-couldn’t find my book. Must be out somewhere, I thought, smiling to myself. Then she moved some papers from her desk and there it was. Exactly where I had left it ONE MONTH ago.
It hadn’t even been put into the system and therefore not on the shelves.
I hadn’t just dumped the book and run. I spent time explaining the genre and its broad appeal. I left a flyer and some cards. I genuinely hoped at least one person would have enjoyed reading it by now but they never had a chance.
Their indifference made me feel that overwhelming ( albeit brief) feeling of disappointment and sadness that comes over me when people just don’t care. It’s not about recognition or potential sales, although that would be nice but the simple act of being relied upon to do as you say you will.
Rant over. Let the weekend commence. 🙂