How long is a Monarch plane?

Ever wondered about the length of a Monarch plane?

Me neither…until now.

On a flight from Birmingham, UK to Nice, France the following announcement was made by the first officer. That’s the guy (in this case) sitting next to the pilot, right?) So he will know.

Our flight today will take 1 hour and 48 minutes.

At this point we are already 20 minutes late departing as somehow, fellow passengers (not all Brummies I’m sure) are not quite grasping the idea of where to put their luggage.

Ooh, let’s put my anorak (seriously) in the overhead locker with my tiny, shiny, duty free carrier bag.

Ooh, so now there is no room for my trolley case. Duh.

Patient, coiffed, expertly made-up, tall, flight attendant suggests that the case would be more suitable for the overhead locker space and aforementioned items can go under the seat in front of them.


Maybe first time flyers should have a nice shiny, fluorescent pink bracelet a bit like the green letter P on a white background on the rear of cars that denote newbie drivers.

But I digress.

All aboard. Phew.

I feel like blowing a whistle but don’t have one to hand.

We are about to push back (I fly a lot) when the very patient, tall, coiffed, expertly made-up flight attendant announces that we are indeed going to Nice. Silent sigh of relief.

And our flying time today will be…1 hour and 55 minutes.

Now my fellow passenger and elbow-touching neighbour and I burst out laughing.

We both glance behind us.

Yep the announcement came from the rear of the plane.

And I am sorry to admit that my neighbour resolved the conundrum before I did.

‘Well’, she said ‘the first officer is at the front of the plane!’

‘Of course!’ I said.

‘So that must mean…a little mental arithmetic needed here…this plane is 7 minutes long!’

Oh how we laughed…

I next envisaged air traffic controllers at Nice airport.

Flight ZB 466 from Birmingham has now…has now…has now…almost…that’s the front down…nearly…bit further guys…you can do it…ah there you go…landed!

Another reason to fly easyJet

p.s. I am a Brummie so I am allowed to take the proverbial.

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