Fifty shades and a car crash.

Following on from my blog on Fifty shades and Katie Holmes, I can finally comment further.

I have read the book. The first one. And it left me feeling ill.

It took a few days before I could trust myself to write anything for the following reasons.

I didn’t want to sound, bitter, twisted, jealous. I am not.

Okay, the money would be nice but I would never compromise on such an important issue.

I realised that ‘frame of reference’ is paramount here.

By this I mean, if something is totally outside of your own experience, you will react differently to someone who has had a similar experience.

An excellent example of this was shown recently when a friend decided that the time was right to expose the horrendous abuse she had suffered as a child.

One reviewer doubted its authenticity. ‘It just went on and on’, she said.

Well, hello. Yes it can and for some, does! How lucky this reviewer was to have, presumably, sailed through life…

Courage and determination.

So, I then carefully considered my reaction, which surprised me in its intensity.

The last time I can remember feeling so sickened and helpless was years ago when I witnessed a car crash, right in front of me. I was a passenger and the car in front was speeding. It hit the central reservation of the dual carriageway and was flipped into the air, skidding on its roof. Then it stopped.

This was long before mobile phones, so we stopped and ran to the car.

I don’t remember precise details but it wasn’t long before police, ambulance etc arrived.

What I do remember was feeling, sick to my stomach and helpless as we managed to drag a small child from the front of the car. The female passenger, also in the front, appeared to dead.

I had also felt angry that I couldn’t have somehow prevented the accident. It was utterly reckless driving.

Or I suppose the accelerator may have stuck. I simply don’t know.

How do the emergency services cope with the horrors they witness? Do they have cast iron stomachs, a certain constitution? Do they see it, deal with it, move on? I’m sure you can train yourself to cope. Good job too, for the rest of us who rely on them. Don’t get me wrong. I am in good in a crisis. Level headed, quick thinking, emotion in check but afterwards…that’s a different story.

The replay button. Something I could happily do without, at times. Delete, erase. Please.

When I finished reading Fifty Shades of Grey, my first thought was this woman has two sons.

Please don’t let them think the protagonist is an acceptable role model.

As I have said before I have no issue whatsoever with BSDM.

There are safe words and respect within the role play. Fun with an edge. I get it.

It’s not for me but anything that encompasses mutual pleasure.Great. Go for it.

I could pick out so many passages from Fifty shades to highlight where this blurrs the lines but two simple sentences, I think, sum it up quite well.

“If you say no, you’ll say no. I’ll have to find a way to persuade you.”

James, E. L. (2012-03-19). Fifty Shades of Grey (p. 498). Random House UK. Kindle Edition.

So, no does not mean NO? Have we really stepped back…what…fifty years!

I realise, this is a novel. Fiction, fantasy, just a bit of fun, so why the fuss?

I’ll tell you why. There are even more damning lines that express a real danger to any young person reading this book or not so young, if they don’t get out much…

I want to think wrong, but somehow it’s not. It’s right for Christian. It’s what he wants— and after the last few days … after all he’s done, I have to man up.

James, E. L. (2012-03-19). Fifty Shades of Grey (p. 484). Random House UK. Kindle Edition.

WHAT! So, he’s bought you a laptop and car so it’s okay to hurt you and keep doing it until you like it, to show how grateful you are?????

This is one serious message to wrap up in the style of an erotic novel.

And to add insult to injury. (oh, the perfect pun)

And his eyes soften with relief. “I am sorry I hurt you.”

I shrug. “I asked for it.”

James, E. L. (2012-03-19). Fifty Shades of Grey (p. 508). Random House UK. Kindle Edition.

She what? Yep. You read it correctly. She asked for it. Whimper, whimper…

Is this kind of thinking in the 21st century okay with everyone?

Is this a message we really want to be putting across within a ‘harmless’ novel?

I read some horror and I do like a ‘good murder’. What makes me sick to my stomach is when the lines are blurred. Or maybe that was the author’s intention? Look, here’s mister, tall dark and handsome, not to mention the 21st century god…loaded, so he must be worshiped.

But he is really not a bad person, he just has issues. It’s not his fault. Does this really come across?

Okay, there are hints about his past. He was abused and therefore he has become an abuser. Another very dangerous message. Not always. Yes, a fair percentage of abusers, were themselves, previously abused. But NOT ALWAYS.

Sorry to shout. Bullying will often produce bullies but not always.

The fact that this book has become so popular really disturbs me.

Are we still living in cave man mentality? That may be in justice to cavemen…?

Meanwhile Katie Holmes is getting on with her life. She has broken free of someone who has huge, control issues. I applaud her progress every single day. Now, there’s a role model.

I believe Fifty Shades is going to be made into a film. I wonder if it will just be based on the first book and last, what, twenty minutes? Or will it encompass the trilogy and have a plot worthy of ninety minutes? Will Ana help Christian become a caring respectful human being? Or does she become totally brainwashed?

I have no desire to read the second and third book.

So I will have to leave it there. Unresolved.

What I do know is this. If you want to watch an intelligent film about abuse, for this book, Fifty Shades is, as I feared, romanticising abuse, I recommend.

The Accused with Jodie Foster.

It was made in 1988 and apparently it is a message that still goes unheard.

In life, for most people, no means no.

In BDSM, safe words are used.

In Fifty Shades of Grey, it is okay to be submissive, as long as you get a new car.




One Response to “Fifty shades and a car crash.”

  1. DianeNelson

    You hit the nail on the head. Yes, I could rail against the horrid writing, but the most disturbing aspect of this tripe is the romanticizing of abuse. It’s unconscionable.


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